Give yourself grace, they say

what even is grace anyway?

**This article is meant to be read in its entirety. I explore different perspectives and nuances that are not meant to be received as stand alone arguments. In fact, this is not much of an argument at all. Simply a compilation of personal reflections that take the reader on the winding journey of exploring this nuanced topic. Thanks in advanced!

I feel guilty about giving myself grace—especially when it comes to my deen or faith. With the dunya, this worldly life that we find ourselves in for a couple of decades at best, at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. If I get worn out from pushing myself in my career and just wanna take it easy, sure, I may not get the promotions and reach the status that I desire for myself. But if I die in that state, I will awake in the afterlife without much care for what my worldly title was (disclaimer: this mentality is much easier said than done and the vehemence with which it resonates with me rises and falls as all human emotions inevitably do). But the deen is different. If I die knowing that I had something left to give when it came to my status with Allah (SWT), that if I had pushed more I could have been that much closer to Him, I can only imagine the eternal regret that would ensue. The regret that would come with a far too great distance created between myself and my Lord. All because I decided to give my self some "grace”.

When it comes to the deen, we’re talking akhirah, we’re talking the afterlife, we’re talking eternity.

But now that I think on it, I don’t think that’s what grace even means. I’ve always thought of grace as giving myself an excuse to slack off. An “oh im so tired, let me just give myself grace and slow down”. And if that’s the definition of grace, I don’t want it. I don’t want to incentivize myself to stop striving in the path of Allah (SWT). Allah (SWT) praises those who race in His cause. And sure, you could stroll in His way and still find yourself on the straight path. You could even still get to jannah (heaven). But what about being a friend of Allah (SWT). After all, there’s not just one plane of heaven. There are different levels and degrees. And the highest levels of jannah are the ones closest to Allah (SWT). They are the ones that are only opened up to the most honored of believers.

So if my goal is to reach this status, if I hope for my name to be mentioned alongside the names of Allah’s most beloved forerunners, then this definition of grace is just not gonna cut it.

But what if grace means something else entirely. What if it’s about allowing myself to move on from my past shortcomings as opposed to giving myself an excuse to embark on future ones. Understanding that I will slip, I will mess up, I will sin. After all, every child of Adam (AS) is a sinner. What increases the rank of one sinner above the other is their ability to turn back to Allah (SWT) after the sin¹. Giving myself grace here means not getting so caught up in unproductive guilt over my inevitable shortcomings that it holds me back from striving harder in the here and the now. It means not allowing myself to fall into the satanic trap of feeling too sinful to keep pursuing righteousness and righteous deeds.

I’ve heard scholars talk about how before committing a sin, you need to find fear in Allah (SWT) and to use that as a means to keep yourself from sinning in the first place. But once a sin has already been committed, maybe we’re talking about something from five years ago or even five seconds ago, you remember that Allah (SWT) has made Himself known as Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem. The Most Merciful, the Especially Merciful. To not allow your sins of yesterday to undermine your potential to be the righteous person that you feel so far away from being. That it is only by the will of Allah (SWT) that anything is done. And that at the same time He is capable of all. He has all the power necessary to turn you into the servant who is deemed amongst the sabiqun, the forerunners. The exact forerunners that are described as being from the muqarabun, the nearest ones². The ones nearest to Allah (SWT). Who are granted honor on this Earth, and receive the ultimate manifestation of honor: eternal residence in the most glorious of abodes.

So that covers giving myself grace for my past shortcomings, my past sins, but what about grace when it comes to my deeds? When it comes to how much I’m pushing myself to increase in righteous actions. Not embarking on a good deed is not necessarily sinful. It’s not a sin per se to not pick up my Quran after prayer. But it’s obviously better for me to do so than to just open my phone and get back on youtube shorts³. So what’s the deal? Is there such a thing as spiritual burnout that implies a time and place for not always pushing as hard as possible when it comes to stacking up deeds? Real answer: I don’t really know. This is most definitely a conversation to be had with legitimate scholars. I’m just word vomiting and sharing my personal reflections. This is your warning to pack your salt and take a grain as you read just about anything I write.

Here’s where my mind takes me:

The Prophet (SAW) said:

"Religion is very easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way. So you should not be extremists, but try to be near to perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by worshipping in the mornings, the afternoons, and during the last hours of the nights."⁴

Whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way. As someone who gets lost down the rabbit hole of “how can I be better, better, better”, that line alone knocks the wind out of me. So is the entire first half of this newsletter void? Do I just erase it and never let this piece see the light of day? What can then be said for this inclination of mine to claim that there’s no room for slowing down? No room for anything that holds a person back from being amongst those most beloved to Allah (SWT).

Of course, RasulAllah (SAW) answers that exact question: so you should not be extremists, but try to be near to perfection.

Girl, you gotta at least try.

Moral of the story, put in sincere effort. Don’t get lost in the extremes. There’s a reason that people use the word grace instead of slack off. When the Prophet of Allah (SAW) tells me to not overburden myself, he isn’t telling me to forget about striving towards a daily Quran practice. He’s telling me to find balance—*gasp*.

That’s what it always comes back to, isn’t it? Finding balance. Finding the straight path. A path that does not stray in one direction nor the other. Neither towards the extreme of laziness nor the extreme of overwhelm.

So I’d now like to define grace for myself a little more clearly.

When it comes to my sins, I don’t believe that grace is about giving myself excuses. Instead, I want to forgive myself in a way that is reflective of how I can only hope Allah (SWT), Al-Ghafoor, the Most Forgiving, will forgive me. Forgiving myself enough to know that I can move beyond the missteps of my past self. To know that Allah (SWT) forgives all those who are sincere, and that there is always room for me to find true sincerity.

When it comes to striving for righteousness, I should be shaping my understanding of grace by tapping into the teachings of the Quran and the sunnah. Pushing myself one day and burning out the next isn’t what righteousness is about. After all, when asked about the deeds that are most beloved to Allah (SWT), the Prophet (SAW) said that they are:

“The most regular constant deeds even though they may be few." He added, 'Don't take upon yourselves, except the deeds which are within your ability."⁵

I need to remember that my intention in pursuing any kind of goodness should be to please Allah (SWT). And in doing so, I must be cognizant of the kind of actions that are pleasing to Allah (SWT). This hadith tells me that they are the ones that are regular, consistent, within my ability. Perhaps when it comes to deeds, grace is about finding that which is within my ability and doing the best of it. Knowing my limits, not pushing beyond them, but also watching out for any inclination to skip out on efforts that I know myself to be fully capable of. I have an upper limit and a lower limit. I need neither to exceed my maximums nor to fall short of my bounds altogether.

It’s not black and white. It’s not one size fits all. Maybe there’s someone who’s better off getting a little more sleep tonight than praying tahajjud. Maybe there’s another who has no good reason to not being getting up when others remain at rest. It takes a deep sense of awareness, intimacy, and blunt honesty with one’s self to write a well-suited prescription for grace. Only Allah (SWT) knows if I’m actually trying my best, if I’m giving myself productive forgiveness, or if I’m just pleasing my ego with excuses. Alhamdullilah for that. For He will never judge my affairs unjustly. He knows what I’m capable of. And because of that, perhaps I will be rewarded for giving myself grace when its what’s truly best. Perhaps, with the right intention, it can even be a means to find nearness to Him. In this life and the next. InshAllah ya Rabb.

1. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2499

2. Here I’m referencing the use of the words sabiqun and muqarabun in Surah Al-Waqi’ah 56:10 - 56:11

3. Petition to smite youtube shorts off the face of this planet

4. Source: Sahih al-Bukhari 39

5. Source: Sahih al-Bukhari 6465